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The Hayley Faye Band - Babysleepmode / Kings & Queens (Surbia Records) 25/05/2009

T: A restrained Throwing Muses. Quite pleasant.

N: But it has to be said the melody is pretty catchy at that, whilst avoiding annoying. Having visited their 'myspace' earlier today and listened to a whole lot more, Hayley, Faye or who ever they are, certainly have something about them. Worth investigating, I would suggest. 7/10

web site - myspace

Fever Fever - Keys In The Bowl / Stage Shoes (Cherryade) 25/05/2009

T: Danielle Dax meets Daisy Chainsaw...

N: And what's more, from Norwich.

T: Alan Partridge never sounded so good. Let me just add that this is a frantic headrush that finishes within about 12 seconds and makes about as much of an impact as it possibly can. Love it.

N: I think it's enough to say exactly what you said at the beginning. 9/10

web site - myspace

The Answer - Tonight (Albert Productions) 24/05/2009

T: If you're stuck in your Spandex trousers, which you haven't been able to take off since 1982, then this might be for you. Me, I never managed to finish off that Rubik's Cube. Lost interest.

N: Or fit into your Spandex trousers, don't forget.

T: That's a sore point.

N: I don't wish to know what became sore.

T: Ok, I'll just say that having a good poo is more enjoyable than this record.

N: The Answer do have their audience, it's just that they're not your answer. Let's just say it's not their best moment. 4/10

web site - myspace

Andrew Friendly vs Levi 5Star vs Shave (Gulp Communications) 18/05/2009

T: If I stood in front of you, naked, occasionally flapping my dangly bits on your head, whilst kneeing you in the bollocks, holding a poster of the Teletubbies and telling Bernard Manning jokes, would it be as annoying as this single?

N: Alright, from here it should be made blatantly clear that Tone, on the whole, is turned off by music of this nature. Which nature is that I hear you cry?

T: Well let's just say if you liked the Outhere Brothers, you'll like this.

N: Well, dehydrated enough and taking what you might to hasten this kind of condition, you'd understand. And you'd be capable of flapping your bits near enough anywhere, in front of whoever, even Audrey Tautou!

T: Um... I don't think I'd be flaccid if SHE was there...

N: In the state to which I refer, I don't think you'd have much choice, for long enough anyway. But isn't it the single that we're reviewing?

T: I think I said enough. You gave me an idea though - Audrey turned down my last request for an interview, so maybe I'll give her the choice - you either do the interview, have my flapping dangly bits on your head, or listen to this piece of crap. As long as she doesn't choose the latter (and she won't, because she's not mad) I'll be happy!

N: I think she's more likely to take out a restraining order on you. 1/10

Mexican Institute Of Sound - Yo Digo Baila (Cooking Vinyl) 11/05/2009

T: There's a very fine line between releasing credible Latin American music and sounding like those sleazy old men who did the "Macarena"...

N: ...and where is this?

T: It IS sleazy, but not cheese sleaze...

N: ...it kicks in and reminded me of a Monty Python segway, but at the risk of offending a nation, I've never really gone a bundle on dance the MIS way.

T: To be fair, I liked the album enough, but this was far from one of the better tracks. It's a bit like when you're a kid and you want a particular type of bike for your birthday, but you end up getting the right brand, but the bottom of the range version. 6/10

myspace

Lily Allen - Not Fair (Regal) 11/05/2009

T: It's been in the charts for over a month but physical release date is 11th of May so here's our review. Anyway I desperately hope this is about my mate Paul, who seems to desperately need to tell anyone he ever meets how good he is in bed. This song would shut him up. Then again, that would mean he'd shagged Lily Allen...

N: It's surely left to no doubt, just how entertaining a songwriter Lily is and does fill you with a sense of dread at just where these experiences are coming from. Who will be the next cannon fodder? 7/10

web site - myspace