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Morrissey - Something Is Squeezing Skull (Polydor) 27/04/2009

T: Mozzer gives us some bollocks. And I mean that in a good way. A rampant, raging rocket of a song that reminds you why he's such a national treasure.

N: On his latest album, Stephen Patrick appeared to me to return recharged and with vigour. It wouldn't surprise me if we saw "Years Of Refusal" making a significant impact on our year end top 20.

T: Nick, we're doing singles reviews.

N: Yes, this was a good single.

T: Oh right. Thanks for that.

N: Oh piss off. 8/10

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The Maccabees - Love You Better (Fiction) 27/04/2009

N: Well the immediate impression of this single is that it's good for freestyling. Lyrics, not necessarily in the right order are just flowing from Tone's cakehole.

T: (walks behind Nick at the back of the room with a paper bag)

N: Stop that, you'll frighten the fish.

T: (starts sweeping up)

N: This is a carpetted room, you'll be better off using the vaccuum. It's just outside the room, peer around the corner and you'll see it. The plug's opposite. (Says Nick in an attempt to get Tone do the housework.)

T: Why the fuck would I do your housework? I don't even live here! And it's not like we're gay lovers is it?

N: (looks crestfallen)

T: Errr.....

N: Ha! Had you going there!

T: Riiight...well, I won't do your housework, but I think I might need to change my trousers after that, before the smell gets too bad.

N: And stop with the Eric Morecambe subtleties. This room is a 9ft box room.

T: Anyway...

N: Exactly, what about the single. I can't even remember it now.

T: It was typical Maccas really. Except slower. Pretty good all the same. 7/10

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Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Zero (Polydor) 13/04/2009

T: I think we've already covered this superb single in our album reviews...

N: Yeah and a great track from the aforementioned album. A punkesque vibe from the New York set of 2009, pretty bloody special at that.

T: You need know no more. 9/10

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Lady Ga Ga - Poker Face (Streamline Records) 13/04/2009

T: I know what you're thinking - why is that pair of reprobates reviewing a single NOW that's been number one for the past three weeks? Well, truth is, it isn't actually PHYSICALLY released until April 13th. Now, I'm more than happy to review it, because any song that samples - or at least uses a refrain from - Boney M's "Ma Baker" is ok by me. It's not too often that I like the number one single these days, but I have to confess that "Poker Face" has such an infectious retro eighties feel that I'm really quite struck with it. A "pop" artist it's ok to like - how long can she keep THAT up?

N: All that, but somehow it does make you feel a little dirty from this side of the decks.

T: And that is a GOOD thing...

N: ...oooh isn't it. 8/10

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Delphic - Counterpoint (R&S) 13/04/2009

N: And I'm liking this already, very Orbital, quite something in fact, using - not over using - 'loops', if that were ever a problem.

T: Up.

N: To what, you've not been arrested again, have you?

T: Solid.

N: Alright, it may've been solid, but that's no excuse. Rememeber you've been told before.

T: Sorry, I had "Manc minute" for a moment there. But yeah, it's a great dance tune. Very up, as I was saying.

N: You say dance, but not dance in the truest sence, let's settle at "indie dance" and I think that might give our readers a greater sense of the tune. 9/10

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Kids Love Lies - Count In My Head (Cherryade) 13/04/2009

T: Kate Nash with a fuzzbox.

N: Might it be valid here to say, very generic?

T: I think so, but if ever Kate Nash decides she wants to SHOW me her fuzzbox, I'll be open to the idea.

N: And I've got a brand new fuzzbox, I mean to say they were an eighties band who utilised the idea. But weren't they referring to their guitar effects pedal?

T: You naive twat. 6/10

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Art Brut - Alcoholics Unanimous (Cooking Vinyl) 06/04/2009

N: I can see your 'champing at the bit' here, so I'll leave this to you to say how great a single this is... and why (mind).

T: Well for a start it's one of the best titles I've ever heard. Apart from that, as one of the other songs on their brilliant album proclaims, "What a Rush". This is bouncy, exciting, dramatic and downright hilarious. Beautifully tongue in cheek and a whole load of fun.

N: So I guess you like it then?

T: Was I that obvious?

N: Like the fact that you have now become a little too aroused, yeah.

T: Well there's a big wet patch on your chair too...

N: That's incontinence, mate. 9/10

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Mr. Bones and The Dreamers - In The Absence Of Light EP (Catcutter) 06/04/2009

T: Do you remember that obscure old band called Bradford? They had a minor hit called "In Liverpool" in, I think, the late eighties. Anyway, this song sounds like them to me.

N: I remember the band, I can see they're artwork, but for the life of me I can't fucking recall how they sounded, I'll just have to leave that to your better judgement. Anyway the lead singer here has an annoying vibrato to the end of his vocal phrases, should that be a 'black mark' or one that is marked 'could do better', whichever you choose to adhere to or just over look, this band are in fact fine song writers, so perhaps I 'could do better' myself! 7/10

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